THE JOURNEY THROUGH
Thank you Lord for this quiet peaceful time of reflection. To be able to experience the grief, sorrow and loss without questions or recriminations. To be able to allow your Holy Spirit to wash over me and fill me with the peace only you can give.
Where do I go from here Lord. What is the next season of my life going to bring. Where can I serve you without losing who I am. Show me how to set boundaries and find a new life.
Father, you created each one of us as individuals with different looks, talents, gifts, and personalities. As I have learned, we are the sum total of all our experiences, good, bad, and indifferent and no two people share the exact same emotions or relationships, even among the same people. You have created each one of us to be unique. No two snowflakes are ever alike and neither are fingerprints. Our talents, gifts, and opportunities in life come from you. How we use them, whether for good or evil, is up to our individual will. Your Word is our blueprint for making good choices, not under pressure or manipulation, but by being true to our own soul and your Word. When we lose our ability to question, to search, to read or to think freely, we open our hearts to the prince of the air – satan. Without spiritual discernment we can easily be led astray. My natural response to being backed into a corner has been to run away or escape. I've learned that is the time, I must decidedly turn to You and lean on you more and more each day.
As different as we are in color, in culture, or in education, is really as much the same as we are in Christ. It is the love of Christ that binds us together, above and beyond our differences. We each have received a measure of faith from you. How we cultivate that measure determines the richness of our spiritual harvest in life.
I believe LOVE is the optimum word. How we treat one another, how much we surrender to the breaking and remolding you continually allow in our lives, as we walk through the firey trials of adversity to be purified by your Holy Spirit.
I am eternally grateful for the atoning death of Jesus Christ and His precious blood that covers all my sins. Your gift of righteousness gives me right standing with You. It is a gift freely given, not by any working of my own – "lest no man boast." It is not my job to judge anyone. You are the only Judge, the only one who knows and understands all of the life experiences and complexities of relationships, either real or perceived, that have contributed to who I have become. Only you can orchestrate change in my life by the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit. I must recognize, submit, and repent and totally trust and depend on You alone for every breath I take.
I believe in the supernatural power of the Word as a light and compass to carry in a dark world. Your Word keeps me focused on You alone and your promises. In a world that is constantly changing, Your Word remains the one constant truth I can depend on. Without a map in the natural world I would continually lose my way. Without your Word in the Spiritual realm I would also lose my way. Cultures change, societal norms change, but Your Word remains constant -- the same," yesterday, today and tomorrow".
You gave me a curious mind even as a child. With minimal early religious teaching, you placed a seed of faith within me. With the slightest watering it began to germinate and grow. I wanted to truly KNOW YOU. Lord you blessed me with many beautiful manifestations of your Holy Spirit which served to increase my hunger for more. But there was no one to talk to, no one to learn from. My journey went from "Angels Among Us", to worshipping saints, to worshipping Mary, to worshipping your Holy Presence in Communion, and ultimately to learning your Word and receiving the indwelling Holy Spirit. You have led me step by step with the words, "Question Everything", and "Fear Not, I go Before You."
Not believing your Word as absolute truth led me to many falls during my journey. Not knowing the difference between walking in the flesh or walking in the spirit led to a sin and repent cycle. With mental breakdowns and authoritative voices telling me what to do, I had no standard measure of truth with which to discern whether I was hearing from You, Lord, or the enemy. Naievely believing any authoritative voice was from God, I had no discernment, and like an obedient child, seeking a parent's love and approval, I continuously fell. Learning your Word and how to battle in the Spirit has sustained me and kept my sanity through many tormenting mental battles that would previously have destroyed me, as they often did.
You have supernaturally healed my illnesses and infirmities more than once, and you alone gave me the health and strength to care for my dad first and then mom, for over ten years – only being sick maybe once or twice. Truly miraculous. You have also protected me from dangerous situations and have truly blessed me.
Father, I give you thanks for every breath I take, for I know the precious gift of life you have given me. I have been blessed with visiting beautiful places in this world that truly glorify your creativity displayed in creation; mountains, valleys, waterfalls, oceans, tropical islands, plants, flowers, trees, birds, each so unique in form and in color. Many scenes have left me in awe of nature and its beauty. (Forgive me for complaining about desert life, but tumbleweeds and dust do not touch my soul in the same way as lush mountains and trees) I know there is inherent beauty in all things, and I pray for eyes to see the beauty you surround me with every day.
Help me Lord to be an overcomer, not in my strength, for "without You I can do nothing." Give me Your strength and restore me to become the woman of God you want me to be. "For when I am weak, you are strong."
Your Servant in Christ